How many times have you heard or read that question? What is Yoga? Probably a lot. Until recently I don't think I had considered what yoga is to ME. In the past when I thought of yoga a textbook definition popped into my head and I associated it with the physical vinyasa flow style. I'm realizing now that doing that has caused me some suffering. Suffering in terms of not being able to look outside my self-constructed limits and missing the bigger picture. If I didn't practice vinyasa flow then obviously I didn't do a "real" yoga practice. Well I can safely say with a great deal of certainty that that's a bunch of crap!
I have a problem with perfection. Always have. I find it to be one of the uglier side effects of having a Type-A Personality. I realize I'm being overly critical of myself, things, other people and I just can't seem to stop. Until recently. I have been meditating regularly now for several months. I have even incorporated a short practice before work. And I've also introduced some pranayama. I really believe that these two things are helping me get out of my own way! I cause myself so much suffering it's stupid! I'm learning to stop, step back and analyze what's happening and then respond. I'm learning to look at things differently.
So what does this have to do with me and yoga? Well I've not been practicing much lately and when I stopped and asked myself why I realized it was because I either didn't have enough time or an interest in doing a vinyasa practice. And since there's no other yoga (insert sarcasm here) then what was the point of getting on the mat. Thanks to the book I mentioned in my last post, Yoga for Emotional Balance, and the time I've spent sitting, I can now see how distorted this thought process is and how much I've been missing. Bo Forbes makes a wonderful observation when she says, "To relax, you need to let go of perfection." My need for things to be perfect and for my practice to look a certain way wasn't allowing me the space I needed to relax. Ms. Forbes goes on to instruct us to let go of the idea of either doing well at your practice or failing, of being good or bad at yoga. This was an "aha" moment for me. With the clarity I've developed through meditation, reading this was like finding the missing piece to the puzzle. The puzzle of course being "what's been wrong with my practice!"
My hope is to have this mark a turning point in my practice. I'm going to try and let go of the need to turn my practice into a good performance, but instead just see where it takes me.
Namaste'
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